


Memoir, For Actuality Is Deserted

by Noxaura_Cille



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Soft-horror, Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 16:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10970910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noxaura_Cille/pseuds/Noxaura_Cille
Summary: Sometimes, Kaneki tries to forget.





	Memoir, For Actuality Is Deserted

Sometimes, Kaneki tries to forget.

Forget Rize, forget Hide, forget Touka...

But he never quite succeeds.

For how can he forget that which is part of him? How can he forget he who loved him as a brother? How can he forget she who obviously wanted more?

No matter the method, be it a bite of hamburger or pocky, reminiscing, or plain old ignoring the pangs of hunger from his stomach.

Because remembering _hurts_  ( _it hurt worse than centipedesinmyearsonethousandminusseventoefingertoefinger_ ), and eating hurts worse.

And Kaneki often finds himself staring at his concave stomach... marvelling at his continued existence.

( _because remembering hurts, and eating hurts worse_ )

Kaneki has long since lost count of the days and weeks since he lost everything.

Kaneki has long since forgotten what the sun felt like.

Kaneki has long since forgotten what fresh air tasted like.

( _ **it's all burningashcharnopleasehidefleshstench**_ )

And the days, they all blur together. Macabre. Mundane.

( ** _How old is he? He couldn't say. He knows he was nineteen, once upon a time_** )

Kaneki has long since forgotten what gentle touch feels like.

Kaneki is but a mere shell, this he knows.

Sometimes, Kaneki tries to remember.

Remember reading, remember Kamii, remember Anteiku.

But he never quite succeeds.

For how can he remember that which he has been without for so long? How can he remember that which is so mundane in comparison to his current present? How can he remember the place which offered him shelter, up until the very last minute?

Drinking coffee does not appeal. Eating from the source does not appeal.

Because forgetting the moments in which he was happiest and saddest, that tears him apart ( _reminds him he's still alive, despite all attempt at the contrary_ ).

And Kaneki often finds himself staring at the accumulating tears on the floor.

( _because they remind him he's still alive, despite all attempt at the contrary_ )

Kaneki has long since lost his purpose.

Kaneki has long since lost the desire to _act_.

Kaneki has long since lost the want to survive.

( _ **it's all tearshungerbleedingshelluselesswhyme**_ )

And the memories, they all chip and fade. Tragic. Pathetic.

(How long has it been? He couldn't say. It has been a long time, he knows)

Kaneki has long since forgotten what sanity is.

He is a lost cause, this he knows.

Sometimes, Kaneki tries to forget.

But he never quite succeeds.

**Author's Note:**

> It's Nox again! This is my first Tokyo Ghoul fanfiction, so tell me how I did?
> 
> _~Nox_


End file.
